This is it! The home stretch… I'm closing on a house in exactly one week.
Last week I went on vacation to the United Kingdom with my younger brother. We spent time in Edinburgh, Scotland and London, England. I absolutely love traveling to Europe and have been several times during my twenties. When I finished college, paid off my credit card debt, and started to actually build up my savings account, I found myself unsure of what I was saving my money for since the thought of actually purchasing a home by myself was scary and crazy. Then a friend wanted to go to Italy and another to London. The next thing I know I'm going to France by myself. I had decided that saving my money for traveling was a perfectly sensible and worthwhile thing to save money for.
Purchasing a home would mean that I'd have to put the passport away for a few years, maybe as long as five years. The thought of that scared me until recent months when I decided to purchase a home… not a house, but a home. The timing of this trip was very ill-timed (my appraisal took place while I was gone) but in reality, the timing was perfect. I booked this trip 5 months ago knowing I would need it to finish grieving the break-up with my ex back in September. However, I realize now that I REALLY needed it to be at peace with this home purchase and the thought of being grounded state-side for a while. I enjoyed my time in the UK but when I landed at IAD I found that for the first time in all my landings there I wasn't dreading the end of my vacation.
I finally had something to look forward to!
That something was a home.
Sandy O.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Favorite Movies Set in the United Kingdom
I am about to leave on vacation to Edinburgh and London. I've never been to Scotland but I have been to London and absolutely love the city and its people. As I'm sitting on my couch trying to get my internal clock ready for the time change I was looking at my DVD shelf and started to list in my head my favorite movies about the UK. I decided to share my list with everyone:
#8: Atonement (2007) - with James McEvoy and Keira Knightley
This was one of the few instances in which the movie was just as good as the book. There are several London scenes in the middle of the movie with the time period being World War II during Germany's Blitzkrieg. Though I have to admit, one of the scenes towards the end makes me wary of ever wandering into one of London's Tube Stations again.
#7: The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - with Matt Damon
This movie has scenes from Europe to the U.S. The main London scene takes place at London Waterloo Station. Have you ever been in a European train station? Being able to look up on the board and see destinations like Paris, Rome, and Moscow listed as being only a train ride away is unlike anything you ever experience here in the U.S. Half the world is a simple train ticket away.
#6: Braveheart (1995) - with Mel Gibson and Sophie Marceau
A very attractive Mel Gibson with the Scotland countryside as his backdrop. It definitely didn't hurt the hot scene he had with Sophie Marceau.
#5: Pride and Prejudice (2005) - with Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen
I know many are fans of the original extended version but for those of you who aren't interested in hours of Jane Austen yet enjoy her stories, I definitely recommend this chick flick for you. Since the time period for this movie is sometime in the 18th Century much of the background is in the English countryside. There is this one amazing scene of Keira Knightley standing on the edge of enormous cliffs overlooking the coastline. That scene, along with any of the other scenes that included Mr. Darcy, was beautiful.
#4: Love Actually (2003) - with too many good people to list
A love story tied around the lives of several people in London including a writer, a British Prime Minister, a washed up rock star, two porn movie stand-ins, a grieving widower, and a British caterer who finally caught on to the fact that American women will love him for his cute British accent. My favorite scene is the one where Liam Neeson's character is sitting on a bench along the Thames talking to his stepson with St. Paul's Cathedral in the background.
#3: Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) - with Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant, and Colin Firth
A thirty-something woman who is slightly overweight and looking for love in London… absolutely hysterical. Did everyone catch on to the fact that this movie is basically a modern-day version of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice?" This movie has great shots of Millennium Bridge and St. Paul's Cathedral. The office where Bridget Jones worked, the one with the huge windows, actually exists and is in use.
#2: The Queen (2006) - with Helen Mirren
Aside from the fact that Helen Mirren is an amazing and lovely British actress, the Scottish Highlands shown in the background for much of movie were absolutely beautiful. It convinced me to take a trip!
#1: The King's Speech (2010) - with Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, and Helena Bonham Carter
I recently saw this in the theater. I did not place this at #1 because it was a new release or even because it shows much of London. I chose this one for its depiction of King George VI and the personal challenges that man faced when he suddenly became King and had to overcome his speech impediment so he could be there for his nation during a time of war. Colin Firth's Oscar for his performance was well-deserved.
Sandy O.
#8: Atonement (2007) - with James McEvoy and Keira Knightley
This was one of the few instances in which the movie was just as good as the book. There are several London scenes in the middle of the movie with the time period being World War II during Germany's Blitzkrieg. Though I have to admit, one of the scenes towards the end makes me wary of ever wandering into one of London's Tube Stations again.
#7: The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - with Matt Damon
This movie has scenes from Europe to the U.S. The main London scene takes place at London Waterloo Station. Have you ever been in a European train station? Being able to look up on the board and see destinations like Paris, Rome, and Moscow listed as being only a train ride away is unlike anything you ever experience here in the U.S. Half the world is a simple train ticket away.
#6: Braveheart (1995) - with Mel Gibson and Sophie Marceau
A very attractive Mel Gibson with the Scotland countryside as his backdrop. It definitely didn't hurt the hot scene he had with Sophie Marceau.
#5: Pride and Prejudice (2005) - with Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen
I know many are fans of the original extended version but for those of you who aren't interested in hours of Jane Austen yet enjoy her stories, I definitely recommend this chick flick for you. Since the time period for this movie is sometime in the 18th Century much of the background is in the English countryside. There is this one amazing scene of Keira Knightley standing on the edge of enormous cliffs overlooking the coastline. That scene, along with any of the other scenes that included Mr. Darcy, was beautiful.
#4: Love Actually (2003) - with too many good people to list
A love story tied around the lives of several people in London including a writer, a British Prime Minister, a washed up rock star, two porn movie stand-ins, a grieving widower, and a British caterer who finally caught on to the fact that American women will love him for his cute British accent. My favorite scene is the one where Liam Neeson's character is sitting on a bench along the Thames talking to his stepson with St. Paul's Cathedral in the background.
#3: Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) - with Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant, and Colin Firth
A thirty-something woman who is slightly overweight and looking for love in London… absolutely hysterical. Did everyone catch on to the fact that this movie is basically a modern-day version of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice?" This movie has great shots of Millennium Bridge and St. Paul's Cathedral. The office where Bridget Jones worked, the one with the huge windows, actually exists and is in use.
#2: The Queen (2006) - with Helen Mirren
Aside from the fact that Helen Mirren is an amazing and lovely British actress, the Scottish Highlands shown in the background for much of movie were absolutely beautiful. It convinced me to take a trip!
#1: The King's Speech (2010) - with Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, and Helena Bonham Carter
I recently saw this in the theater. I did not place this at #1 because it was a new release or even because it shows much of London. I chose this one for its depiction of King George VI and the personal challenges that man faced when he suddenly became King and had to overcome his speech impediment so he could be there for his nation during a time of war. Colin Firth's Oscar for his performance was well-deserved.
Sandy O.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Buying a home… alone.
About five months ago I broke up with my boyfriend who I had been with for 15 months. On paper, he was great: tall, handsome, decent job, and owned a nice 3-bedroom 2.5-bath townhouse with a 2-car garage near the city. On the inside, it was a different story. He was very insecure and had no problem projecting those insecurities onto me. It was very cyclical. When things were good, they were really good. When things were bad, they were really bad. Huge roller coaster ride!
What did I do? I took it. Tried to endure it. Tried to make it work because I'm stubborn that way. He broke up with me at the one-year mark but then asked me to get back together a month later. Silly me, I fell for it. A month into that he went back to his old ways and I realized I wasn't happy and just couldn't take it anymore. There was a lot of push/pull in the relationship and he just couldn't cope with life without me constantly building him up and making him feel better. It just wasn't working for me. I loved him, cared about him, even wanted to save him, but I had to save myself.
In the aftermath, less than a month later he jumped straight into a relationship with someone new. This further devastated me because, in spite of all the craziness, I still cared about him very much and was still grieving him.
I fell for a jerk and I needed to figure out why. More importantly, I needed to figure out why I stayed. I think I've come to the conclusion that I stayed because I wanted to settle down. About two years ago, I literally just woke up one day and decided I wanted to be married. I had been perfectly happy spending most of my 20's not dating much, traveling a lot, and putting a lot of time in at work. But a few months after I turned 27, something just went off in my brain. I don't think it was the biological clock because I don't really want kids. It was something else… something in my head telling me that enjoying all of life's pleasures alone for the rest of my life wasn't what I really wanted. I needed a base... a home plate. I wanted to get married and settle down into a home and I thought homes came with a marriages.
Then he came along… a break-up 15 months later… and 5 months after that, here I am.
I'm beginning to realize that I stayed because, on the outside, he had the package I was looking for. He owned a home, had a nice car, had a decent job--most important being he owned a home. A very nice home. A home that was less than 10-years-old. A home he had been in for less than two years and hadn't decorated yet. A home that I could see myself turning into my own. A home that I could share with him and make into not just "mine" but "ours." I stayed because, well, I wanted a home… and remember, I thought homes came with marriages.
Even though I'm a career-driven woman who can take care of herself, I think when it came down to it, the thought of owning a home by myself scared me too much to ever consider it. I didn't just want to get married, I wanted a home. I thought the only way I could get it was by meeting the right guy. I mean, who would want to marry a woman who already owned a home? What if I bought a home that was too small for two people? What then? What if I couldn't sell it? What if I had to rent it? What if I stretched myself financially? What if the roof leaked? What if I felt lonely? What if, what if, what if??!!!!
Let's face it, I thought my ex held the key to my happiness. That lead to my co-dependence on him and willingness to let him to project his insecurities on to me the way he did. It was a perfectly dysfunctional relationship. I wanted him to make me happy by giving me a home. He wanted me to make him feel better about himself.
The lesson learned: happiness really does come from within.
So what am I doing to make myself happy? I'm buying my own home. I placed an offer on a townhouse last Saturday and am waiting to hear about a counter offer. This townhouse is much smaller than his obviously because it's what I can afford. His was very nice and much more expensive but I later discovered that his parents gave him a six-figure "loan" to purchase it. I personally wouldn't call that a loan.
If I'm able to purchase this home, I'll look at my little townhouse and be proud that I took control of my life, purchased what I could truly afford, and made my own home and my own sense of happiness. Instead of being a victim of my situation, I've become a creator. Instead of depending on someone else to make me happy, I'm making myself happy.
I had a small emotional break-down last week and confided in a male co-worker about how this independent woman stuff was just hard and unfair. I wasn't supposed to go through this whole home-buying thing alone. Keep in mind that this co-worker is in his mid-thirties and is married with a wife and two small kids. His response to me was this:
"You're a professional woman. Professional women wear shoes and buy townhouses."
It made me laugh. It also made me feel better because it's true as I do in fact wear shoes (love shoes!) and am buying a townhouse. He followed it up with: "Better than standing barefoot in someone else's house."
That second part didn't just make me laugh, but made me think….
If I had married my ex, I'd be barefoot in someone else's house. Maybe not literally, but definitely figuratively. I would have had my home but I would have been miserable living in it because I would have been with the wrong person in an unhappy situation.
The next time you find yourself thinking that a man will make you happy, stop yourself for a second and think about whether or not it's the man that will make you happy or what you think the man can provide that will make you happy. Chances are you could provide that for yourself. Happiness doesn't lie within another person--it turns out that it actually really does lie within ourselves.
Sandy O.
What did I do? I took it. Tried to endure it. Tried to make it work because I'm stubborn that way. He broke up with me at the one-year mark but then asked me to get back together a month later. Silly me, I fell for it. A month into that he went back to his old ways and I realized I wasn't happy and just couldn't take it anymore. There was a lot of push/pull in the relationship and he just couldn't cope with life without me constantly building him up and making him feel better. It just wasn't working for me. I loved him, cared about him, even wanted to save him, but I had to save myself.
In the aftermath, less than a month later he jumped straight into a relationship with someone new. This further devastated me because, in spite of all the craziness, I still cared about him very much and was still grieving him.
I fell for a jerk and I needed to figure out why. More importantly, I needed to figure out why I stayed. I think I've come to the conclusion that I stayed because I wanted to settle down. About two years ago, I literally just woke up one day and decided I wanted to be married. I had been perfectly happy spending most of my 20's not dating much, traveling a lot, and putting a lot of time in at work. But a few months after I turned 27, something just went off in my brain. I don't think it was the biological clock because I don't really want kids. It was something else… something in my head telling me that enjoying all of life's pleasures alone for the rest of my life wasn't what I really wanted. I needed a base... a home plate. I wanted to get married and settle down into a home and I thought homes came with a marriages.
Then he came along… a break-up 15 months later… and 5 months after that, here I am.
I'm beginning to realize that I stayed because, on the outside, he had the package I was looking for. He owned a home, had a nice car, had a decent job--most important being he owned a home. A very nice home. A home that was less than 10-years-old. A home he had been in for less than two years and hadn't decorated yet. A home that I could see myself turning into my own. A home that I could share with him and make into not just "mine" but "ours." I stayed because, well, I wanted a home… and remember, I thought homes came with marriages.
Even though I'm a career-driven woman who can take care of herself, I think when it came down to it, the thought of owning a home by myself scared me too much to ever consider it. I didn't just want to get married, I wanted a home. I thought the only way I could get it was by meeting the right guy. I mean, who would want to marry a woman who already owned a home? What if I bought a home that was too small for two people? What then? What if I couldn't sell it? What if I had to rent it? What if I stretched myself financially? What if the roof leaked? What if I felt lonely? What if, what if, what if??!!!!
Let's face it, I thought my ex held the key to my happiness. That lead to my co-dependence on him and willingness to let him to project his insecurities on to me the way he did. It was a perfectly dysfunctional relationship. I wanted him to make me happy by giving me a home. He wanted me to make him feel better about himself.
The lesson learned: happiness really does come from within.
So what am I doing to make myself happy? I'm buying my own home. I placed an offer on a townhouse last Saturday and am waiting to hear about a counter offer. This townhouse is much smaller than his obviously because it's what I can afford. His was very nice and much more expensive but I later discovered that his parents gave him a six-figure "loan" to purchase it. I personally wouldn't call that a loan.
If I'm able to purchase this home, I'll look at my little townhouse and be proud that I took control of my life, purchased what I could truly afford, and made my own home and my own sense of happiness. Instead of being a victim of my situation, I've become a creator. Instead of depending on someone else to make me happy, I'm making myself happy.
I had a small emotional break-down last week and confided in a male co-worker about how this independent woman stuff was just hard and unfair. I wasn't supposed to go through this whole home-buying thing alone. Keep in mind that this co-worker is in his mid-thirties and is married with a wife and two small kids. His response to me was this:
"You're a professional woman. Professional women wear shoes and buy townhouses."
It made me laugh. It also made me feel better because it's true as I do in fact wear shoes (love shoes!) and am buying a townhouse. He followed it up with: "Better than standing barefoot in someone else's house."
That second part didn't just make me laugh, but made me think….
If I had married my ex, I'd be barefoot in someone else's house. Maybe not literally, but definitely figuratively. I would have had my home but I would have been miserable living in it because I would have been with the wrong person in an unhappy situation.
The next time you find yourself thinking that a man will make you happy, stop yourself for a second and think about whether or not it's the man that will make you happy or what you think the man can provide that will make you happy. Chances are you could provide that for yourself. Happiness doesn't lie within another person--it turns out that it actually really does lie within ourselves.
Sandy O.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
"The Bachelor" is to Women as Football is to Men
I’m not a big fan of reality TV, but I can admit that I do have a guilty pleasure or two. My current one is “The Bachelor” on ABC. Smart, confident, and well-adjusted women should not have drama in their lives. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t watch the drama play out in the lives of others. We may even learn a lesson or two from it without the embarrassment of making complete fools of ourselves.
As I watched “The Bachelor” premiere last week with one of my girlfriends I found myself with a glass of wine on my side table, the show playing on my non-HD TV, and my laptop out so we could better track the stats of the contestants. We discussed their dresses, hair, personality, and sanity. The next day I went to work and discussed the exact same things with my female co-workers. We even place non-monetary bets on who will win in the end. This will be our ritual for the entire season of The Bachelor.
Oddly enough, this scene reminded me the description given to me by a male co-worker who once described his Sundays during football season as follows: pizza, beer, and remote on the side table; the DirectTV’s NFL Football package showing multiple games LIVE on his 50” HD flat screen TV; and his laptop out and ready so he could track his Fantasy football teams all day long. The following day at work, he’d discuss the games, the players, the stats, and the teams with his co-workers over lunch. He even participated in the football pool at work.
See the similarities?
TV
Alcoholic beverages
Internet research
Competition
Big plays
Discussion with friends
Placing of bets
A winner in the end
Is one from Venus and the other from Mars? Absolutely. For what it’s worth though, Venus and Mars are in the same solar system. Something to think about when you have one of those moments when you just don’t understand the opposite sex.
Sandy O.
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